PHIL GAWEN (3) "Cabaret"

Moving into Life

(All words and music by Phil Gawen)

I parked the U-Haul out in front of the door.
We'll be unloading all over our brand new floor.
Grab us some breakfast and a bottle of wine.
It's you and me and the world.

Cleaned like a Superman, left sparkle and shine.
Taking directions, so it's all working out just fine.
Moving our furniture, she can't make up her mind.
I don't care, we got time.

Prima Bella, we'll step easy
Where the angels won't dare.
And though we may shout and pout.
We’ll take one step at a time.
It'll be so nice, if we follow all the signs.
Then we'll always wine and dine.

And it's also beautiful,
We can call it yours in mine.
Our worlds unfolding,
Growing, right before our very eyes.

Have no fear, ‘cause it's all in here.
Your pocket of days, launching as a team.
‘Leaping out to fill our hearts with new desires.
Water and fire, move into life.

We have no blessings, we're in this alone.
We got everything we need to survive plus a phone.
And will be working, fighting all of the pain.
Nothing we do will be vain.

Save up on money, don't want riches to slip away.
Untwist our values and I'm hoping it's not too late.
We'll tame our egos for those evil days.
Some days we'll want out.

Prima Bella, we'll step easy
Where the Angels won't dare.
And though we may shout and pout,
We’ll take one step at a time.
It'll be so nice, if we follow all the signs.
Then we'll always wine and dine.

And it's also beautiful,
We can call it yours in mine.
Our world’s unfolding,
Growing, right before our very eyes.
Have no fear, ‘cause it's all in here.
Your pocket of dreams, launching as a team
‘Leaping out to fill our hearts with new desires,
Water and fire, move into life.

Should we call moms and dads?
The price that we pay for their worries.
Oh, got to tell them how to handle it.
‘Won't put out their fury.
They're reaching in, we're reaching out.
They think we live in a hurry,
But we’re moving into life.

 

 

Let's Dance once More

(All words and music by Phil Gawen
© Gawenda/Solar)

You and I, time it flies.
Learn from each other, speak no lies.
Tensions hide, hide from each other.
Misunderstood fear, deep down inside.

Pockets of hate, hands in the air.
Waving the bait, I do you dare.
Why do it now, this can be.

No babe, don't leave me on
Big eyes deceive me,
And I know better than that…

In your shoes, popular news.
Ears don't lie, people do.
Feet to the ground, one, two, three,
Four, five, sex.
Not my best, chest to chest.

Live and let die, let's dance once more.
Look in my eyes, let's fence once more.
Do it and fly, don't ask her why.
Why am I here?
And I don't want no answers.
‘Might give me foot cancer.

Communicate weather, never give up, never.
Nothing under bed covers, except one day lovers.
Push and shovers.
Making your sense, out of now or nevers.
With a roll of the dice,
Primetime addicts, mindless static.

 

 

Key to her Heart

(All words and music by Phil Gawen
© Gawenda/Solar)

Suddenly, she was gone,
Out through the back door.
He knew it was there, for a while.
Barred and bolted.

Truth hides the darkest of lies.
He was all you had those nights.

Oh, forgiving her desperation.
It's a crime she won't get locked up for.
Thief of the heart.

Suddenly, there was Ice,
Getting colder.
He was warm, no disguising
His will to forgive her.

But she lives her guilty conscience,
On a lighted stage of self-pity.
And the audience, with open arms,
His friends cheering on.

Truth hides the darkest of lies.
He was all you had those nights.

His memories are shuffled,
Like poker cards in a losing game.
Searching for a start to end,
To surface his mistake.

And there he found it,
Just one, simple and clear.
Giving, not taking.
The key to the back door.
Suddenly she was gone.
Leaving loaded guns.

She Longs for the untouchable,
As if gasping for air.
And the touchables, who offer true love,
Are giving false hope,
And so contract her disease.
A taste of her own desperation.
The key to her heart, is to refuse it.

Truth hides the darkest of Lies.
No one can break her heart.

 

 

 

Don't Fade Out

(All words and music by Phil Gawen)

Something inside is heart kept on leaping out.
It bumped back to his life, left him full of doubt.
This time deceiving.
He can't believe in meant to be's.

Somebody tampered with time.
Somebody help it unwind.

All the joys of a life in a subtle cheer.
The flame he had could have lasted for
A thousand years.
But you snatched it away from him.
He pointed up for blame.

Lightning and thunder and mystery.
Living his life in your checkmate.
Oh, I feel what he feels, I feel like crying, dying.

It made him feel just like a spoiled child.
Her love of Life, destiny, passed him by.

Where was the time to say I love you?
A couple of moons to play and show you.
They took away his only chance.
Kiss goodbye his apocalyptic mime.

And so he lives with fear and sorrow.
Afraid to see and live tomorrow.
I feel his pity and pray to see himself, resurrected.

He takes it out on all that dear to him.
They don't understand it all, they act on whim,
And abandon reasoning.
They'll point to him for blame.

The wind had stopped for days and days.
Silence made the echoes craze.
There's no end, when you are deep within the maze.

I turn the pages reading on,
As though his life was ‘bout to change.
His will grew stronger, building worlds around,
His lost equilibrium.

And now he lives to bring you sorrow.
He is our fear, he's known for horror.
He battles ships and robs from anyone,
Who sails tomorrow.
He dreams of hanging with his shadow.

 

 

Bernadette


(All words and music by Phil Gawen,
© Gawenda/Solar)

Way back in time. Remember her.
Those were the days.

Bernadette was elegant way back in time.
She used to hide her numbers,
She was shy back then.
When her mother was old, down on her knees,
Daddy-o, the crash was hard.
We love our one and only…

'Chance to be a princess in the glamour world.
All their little daughters in amaze,
When their hearts turned gold.
They were so annoyed, when her bust-line

Grew into somewhat of grandly proportions.
Catching the eyes of the crème de la crop.
Courting her way like a witch with a potion.
Yeah!

Bernadette learned to rub’em right.
A piper with a knack to make them
Lose their minds.
A property prize for pleasure sake.
And nobody would really know,
The hate she would hide.

Thank you dearest you must be
From heaven sent.
Oh, memorizing all their favorite lines,
'Till they bruised their knees.
They were so annoyed, when she whispered:

"All of us are all aware,
But no one's really sure of our affair.
Secrets are so hard to bare".

Bernadette laughed, when her parents died.
Now, without a reason, she would lose that smile.
A toy without a child’s a useless thing.
'Took comfort in the streets,
To be a cheap trick haunting.

No one remembers the times or the places.
Words tripping over the truth and the lies.
Dreaming at night with a smile on their faces.

 

 

 

 

 

Fred

(All words and music by Phil Gawen,
© Gawenda/Solar )

His face so dear, with an animated smile.
He sits up on her bed, with a loving stare.
A comfort to changes.
He's a dreamer that amazes.
She makes believe, that he is real.

With a bear so fair, I do declare.
She treats him like a child friend.
He's always there.

When she feels that no one cares,
There couldn't be a better pair.
There wouldn't be a single teddy bear,
That would compare.

Lofty and gray from hugging, filled with hay.

That he and she, that he be me.
Oh we could be, oh be so near.

A young girl has grown up,
With a head on her shoulders.
Stands 5 ft 9, she's doing just fine.
Good childhood memories,
With occasional taboos.
Has left from home, she lives at school.

With a bear so fair, I do declare.
She loves them and leaves them,
But he stays there.

When she feels that no one cares,
There couldn't be a better pair.
There wouldn't be a single teddy bear
That would compare.

Lofty and gray from hugging, filled with hay.

‘Cause when the world doesn't care,
Fred is there.
And when life loses all its flare,
Fred is there.
When everything's all but fair,
Fred cares.

Dark voiced shadows.
Her eyes closed tight.
Her fears reveal the monsters,
Her dreams betray the night.
Insecurities, she reaches, holds me tight.

That she and he, that he be me.
We could be, oh be so near.
And she would be, free of fear.
And I could wipe away her tears.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Water into Wine

(All words and music by Phil Gawen,
© Gawenda/Solar )

You can be there on the outside, never looking in.
You can lose your curiosity, when you never look within.
You're acting like a dumb fool,
And you're gonna lose a friend.
Not a single little alibi, will see your point of view.

Stop and take a deep breath,
Count to 10, release it.

You want to be head strong, to alleviate the pain.
You wanna work it out right now, you want to be a cow.
You're living in a big shell,
And you're pumping up your veins.
You're just losing all your brain cells.
You're going to go insane.

While you're up and rages, lock yourself in cages.

You feel intimidated, ‘cause they knocked you down,
With stick and stone.
But you know you are able.
And you're not giving in by being stable.
So, clear your mind.
I'll help you unwind,
So you can turn water into wine.

And you can be there on the outside,
Always looking in.
You'll regain your curiosity,
‘Cause you'll always look within.

And no one will upset you.
And you'll never lose a friend.
You'll never need an alibi.
Do you see my point of view?

It always seems to happen,
They are wrong, and you are righteous.
And you're not satisfied.
They must agree to your own bias.
And as they judge, you will have judged.
Never turning water into wine.

 

 

 

The Big Gig

(All words and music by Phil Gawen,
© Gawenda/Solar )

I did not want to hurt your egomania.
Feeling like a criminal, what did I do?
Sly, like a cat you see me pulling out.
‘Cause the odds are too high.
The weight is pulling me down, down.

Down the hatch, ‘got no head on my shoulders.
I do what I'm told, ‘afraid of losing you.
I don't really need it and I really mean it.
You've got rocks in your hands,
And I'm made of glass.

And I just hate this false reality.
When I enjoy what I do, it's what I want to do.
And I'm afraid you've lost your faith in me,
Like you've always done, leaving me cold and…

Your loving silence seems to complicate my flow.
As I speak through my heart and soul.
You make me smile
Through the saddest moments, girl.

But now we're back at the start,
And I don't know my part too well.
You can tell.
You save me, then you break me.
I'm a nervous wreck, oh.

When this is over will you treat me well?
Or will you hold a grudge against me,
Put me up for sale?
Do you understand? When you take my hand.
You're part of me.
Don't leave me out to be sun-dried.

You're one in a million and you're by my side.
Anywhere you go, you'll be between my eyes.
If that isn't love, I'm gonna to trip and fall,
Flat on my face, straight into disgrace.
Give me a break, see what's at stake.

Oh no, now don't you pout.
‘Feel like a Santa Claus,
Who's wrapped up every single doubt.
You say you're losing your mind.
Well, I'm losing mine.
But I won't let you go and cause my mental suicide.

Is it wrong, is it right?
Is this love, is this hate?
Is this give, is this take?
There is nothing more that I have to say.

The situation slipped right out of my hands.
You point your finger at me, I don't understand.
Oh baby, baby. I'm down on my knees.
What does it take?
You think I don't give a damn, no.
Give me a break, see what's at stake.

We are back at the start,
And I don't know my part too well.
Put on makeup and play the part of,
Romeo and Juliet in our costumes.
Colorful and true to life,
It's really no surprise,
That I have given into this disguise.

 

Hero

(All words and music by Gawenda/Solar)

Why, why are you so cold?
Why, why wait for sparkling gold?
Wake up to life, something to strive for.
Where, where are the dreams you had?
Where, where is the acrobat?
Wake up to life.

Left it up to you and you'd always be racing.
The sky was in your pink lungs, thinking of number one.

Spring, hero, summer, hero,
Fall, dying, winter, all pass you by.
Please tell me your lies, I hear only sighs.

Who, who are you saving?
Who, who but your self-esteem?
Lent me your dream, woke me mid-scene.
Oh, what? What do I wait for?

What? What is behind your door?
Wake up to life.

Left it up to you and you'd always be racing.
The sky was in your pink lungs, thinking of number one.

Spring, hero, summer, falling,
Fall, dying, winter, all pass you by.
Just one more lie, I hear only sighs.

Then, I look in your eyes.
The wrinkles are cries.
You're reaching the unknown,
To your own demise.

When? When did you see the dark?
When the sprinter froze at the start.
Took their advice, canned all your dice.

How? How could you help yourself?
How about it, I'll dust your shelves.
Wake up to life.

Leave it up to me, you might find yourself racing.
This sky is in my pink lungs, I'm thinking of number one.
Spring, falling, summer, hero,

Fall, catching, winter, won't pass you by.
Stop telling lies, won't hear you sigh.
Don't live to die.

 

 

 

Paranoia

(All words and music by Phil Gawen,
© Gawenda/Solar )

Light turned dark, time so slow the ticking.
A year goes by oh so fast, you know.
When I was young, it wasn't easier.
Responsibilities, indecisions.
Where will I be when tomorrow comes?
I'll wait and see, will it be easier.

Here I sit in front, in front of my television set.
They tell me I’m dead, that I just didn't know what yet.
I will believe them, when my telephone is dead.

You know, I know, they know, we know,
Nothing at all.
When all ends fail, then all is well.

Dark turn light, I can see again.
‘Might as well feel myself, was I out of shape
When the mirror cracked.
‘Bought some weights to workout night and day.
I finally broke the habit,
When I longed for my cigarettes.
Am I just smoking now?

Light turn dark, and I start my contemplating.
‘Want out of here, I can't stand being alone,
Even though, I've been alone for the best of my years.

He knows, she knows, they know, we know,
Nothing at all.
What life's about, I'm missing out.

Time’s so boring, I might as well be somebody.
Never losing it, or choosing it. Paranoia.

Moving up, air so thin, keep breathing.
Smoke in my lungs was soothing.
Am I working now? Is this the better life?
Keeping up, fear of heights, keep falling.
Holding on for dear life.
Mother, am I losing you, for another wife.

Sweating out tears in a workout salon.
Pushing pound after pound,
And I don't feel strong.
Oh my god, am I getting there?

Time so boring, I decided to be somebody.
Never losing it, or choosing it.

Hello, paranoia.

 

 

 

I don't Know

(All words and music by Phil Gawen,
© Gawenda/Solar )

I don't know, I just don't know.
You ask me why, I answer with lies.
I'd make a decision, instead I just hide.
I’d cut an incision, when I want to survive.

And I don't know, I don't know why,
My eyes are wet and my hands are dry.
The scenery and machinery,
Can't comprehend and I don't want to pretend.

A season brings changes on magazine pages.
See what his new, is it new to you?
I haven't the faintest idea what it's all about.
TV turned sour, their images devour my soul.

I don't know, I just don't know.
Give me a reason to be as cold.
Changes are relevant, sometimes perverse.
I can't accept this tyrant’s mess.

They're doing my head, my tummy they fed,
With empty truth, how do you get by?
And life goes on, oh, with things left undone.
The chip on my shoulder, it weighs a ton.

Down with the thunder, down the rain falls.
Down on my head, with a pitiful slam.
Tarred and feathered, it's now or never.
Got to pack my luggage and be what I'll be.

Into the jungle, it's dark out there.
I can't see light, there is no one there.
To take care of me, to take care of you.
If that's what it's all about, then I just don't know.

Times are tough, and I've had enough.
Cannot change the world, can't change myself.
I'll be what I'll be, if you let me be,
But I won't accept this tyrant’s mess.

When they laugh in my face: ha, ha, ha, ha!
From one step above: ha, ha, ha, ha!
Somehow somewhere, the taste of home.

 

 

We can make it

(All words and music by Phil Gawen)

When love grows, thornless roses
Spring from sadness, to wash our tears a…
Ways we feel, are much to real.
No actor could portray, it's deep inside.
We hide it well behind our…

Shield us from the agony, we can make it.
And wish that it was meant to be.
We can take it.

Keeping our distance so small.
Daring each other, who will cross that line.

I've had my eyes on you. Will I fall?
I see you throwing me signs.
You and I fall in love.

Drifting on the open sea.
Sun is playing the revelry.

New found love, will make us hover.
High above our heads, we take for granted.
Promising what isn't ours to keep.
And you'll find us cheating.
A constant blackmail,
At a price we just can't pay.

We pay anyway, sacrificing,
All that we want and needed baby.
We can make it.
We're doomed.
We can take it.

There's no time. I've had my eyes on you.
Will I fall, I see you throwing me signs.

Fearing the heavy ring, oh no.
We'll wanted both ways, no compromise.
We got to, got to give it a try someday.
We'll touch and wound ourselves,
Our blood. Pour over roses,
Thorns will cut our dreams.

I've got my eyes on you.
Will I fall, I see you throwing me

Everything that I wanted baby.
We can make it.
Two hearts awaiting the moment that conquers all.
We can take it.
Send a message without warning.
Show no signs of fear.

We can make it.